All this happened very suddenly over the weekend but long story short: I won't be continuing with my American University Programme (AUP), otherwise more widely known as American Degree Programme (ADP), anymore. If you'd like to find out more, go on and read about it; if you don't, it's okay, you've done no harm.
Disclaimer: these are my personal, genuine, firstly-all-over-the-place-but-now-slightly-polished thoughts. So, please be nice.
Right now, I'm currently doing a 2+2 AUP programme which means I will be studying here in Malaysia and then another 2 years in USA.
While doing an undergraduate programme that requires you to transfer overseas after a number of years, it's very normal to have people ask you about when you will be leaving, how long will you be staying there and etc.
When I tell people that I'll be studying in the States for 2 years and that I am considering staying on for a couple of years to work, they give me the look that always, always, always means, "What about Marcus?" Some people directly ask about it as well, which often leads to me zoning out from the conversation or brushing the thoughts away by changing the topic.
I have never been in a long distance relationship, having this being my first and only relationship. But of course, I've heard and seen of people in long distance relationships. I hear so many stories about how things didn't work out, but also a number of stories about how some people beat the odds and made it work for them.
Okay, stop right here.
Disclaimer #2: I know that you are judging me right now, thinking that the sole reason of why I'm stopping AUP is because of the whole LDR issue. Please stop. Get rid of that assumption. Once you've done that, you may proceed.
Having been used to looking to my parents for advice and guidance, I sat them down (not really, they were already sitting down while I was lying on the couch, but you get it) and talked to them about it. Not just about me and Marcus, but just to hear again what they think and what they have to say about me doing what I'm doing now.
Who knew that from there I found out that Mama has always been hesitant on sending me off to the States, especially over such a long period of time and also since because it is so far away. Generally mothers have the tendency to send their children overseas more grudgingly compared to fathers. Generally. My mama, too, is no exception. Here's how it basically went down:
Me: "Yeah, US is very far..."
Mama: "Yea la!"
Me: "Hmm...Australia leh?"
Mama: "Still far."
Me: "Then where? Singapore?"
Mama: *shakes head*
Me: "....then?"
Mama: "Kuala Lumpur. Hehe. Stay here."
Such a cutie.
Papa, on the other hand, is all for sending his kids to wherever he feels will be the best for whatever they study so for myself? It will be mass communication in USA.
For the record, I honestly do now know where is the so-called "best" place to study mass communication but quite a number of people and institutions have said that US is one of the best. I've always wondered how do they define "best" but like I said, I might be wrong but this is what I've been told.
So there I am, with each of my parents having very opposing thoughts on studying overseas. What was I supposed to do?
At that moment, I thought about the whole purpose of why I've stepped into communications in the first place. I'm not sure exactly when but it has been a couple of years since I've thought about it. Personally, what I feel is God's calling for me is to have a transparent media and to be the voice of the unheard people in Malaysia.
There are many reasons as to why this has always been my dream. One of which is because I feel that there too many things that this generation know close to nothing about and I want to do my part in ensuring that the people know what they need to and should know, henceforth leading them to do what they can in being the best they can be for themselves, their family, the community and the country. This might sound a lil' crazy, over the top and maybe just slightly impossible, but this is from my heart.
After explaining this to my parents, Papa said that our dreams are not parallel with one another. What he wants is for me to study overseas, graduate, start working and hopefully live a better life there whereas I feel that wherever I may go, at the end of the day, my place is to stay here.
It's not often you hear people saying that anymore.
Reasons? I'm sure you know.
Most of my friends are going out of the country to further their studies, some are coming back here after that; some are staying on there. But for me, pushing aside everything else - my family, my friends, my relationship, my other responsibilities, my life here, I genuinely feel like I need to be here.
Disclaimer #3: I am not saying that studying overseas is a bad thing. Please do not think that I am indirectly judging you for going overseas to further your studies. I repeat, I am not saying that studying overseas is a bad thing. If I've offended you in any way so far, I'm genuinely very sorry. I never meant that. Sorry.
Papa then let me go.
Because of the different vision that we have for my future, he has come to the conclusion that he will not have me live his dreams for me, but instead for me to live my own dreams for myself. My parents reassured me to say that they will do their very best as they always have to support me along the way, no matter which path I choose. I think this is the one thing that we all need to learn how to do more often: to genuinely want the best for someone, whatever their decisions, which Papa and Mama have mastered the art of doing.
It's funny how this all started: a talk with Marcus on Saturday night with frozen cola (it's only RM1 now by the way) and an ice cream sundae at McD's, then a mini family conference with my parents on Sunday afternoon, leading to a Monday of thinking of all the people who have spoken into my life and putting all those pieces together, having God's help and guidance from the beginning.
This does not end here, of course. There still will be many struggles, prayers and thoughts to be put into this.
But as of now, I have decided to not continue on with AUP anymore. I might still go for an undergraduate programme that requires me to study overseas for exposure and all that, but it will most likely be somewhere a little closer to home.
If you've read till here, thank you.
For you with questions, don't hesitate to ask! I know how it feels like to be dying to find out answers and thinking about it so much that it keeps you up at night. Just click here!
For you who are wondering why I'm making this "public declaration", I just needed to write my thoughts down and physically see and organize them so where better than my own blog? I initially wanted this to just be kept as a draft but then again, I never look back at my drafts as often as I should. My friends also encouraged me to publish it, who knows it might inspire some of you. And also, if people ask me about it I can just direct them here if ever I get too lazy to talk and I get publicity, too. Win-win.
Yun Qing, wherever you go and whatever you do, you better make sure you end up in Malaysia at the end of the day to be the change you've always wanted to see.
