Close to five months ago, I wrote about how uncertain I was about the future and how I prayed that I will be at peace with whatever that it holds for me.
Well, with all that 2020 has offered so far, this is definitely not what I had in mind.
For starters, I still have one more semester that I need to complete back here in Malaysia.
This, as some of you may know, was never part of my plan as I was supposed to have finished my last semester of my degree in Melbourne last year.
Long story short, my lecturer failed me for one of my units in Melbourne for circumstances that I will not disclose so publicly — not because it's a legality issue or anything, but I do have very strong feelings attached to the decision that was made and I don't really want to revisit or give too many details about it. But if you're concerned or if you're just curious in general, you can ask me personally and I'll share with you what happened.
So, in order to graduate, I am now back in uni for another semester just to finish off one unit.
Well, back "in" uni as much as we're allowed to be, with the Movement Control Order (MCO) that has just been extended for another two weeks, which leads to the bigger issue at hand of Covid-19.
I'm not an expert, I only know what I know from reading the news and trusted sources, and I did not graduate from WhatsApp University with a PhD on Covid-19 like most aunties, but I know enough to know that it's not good.
Also, I am currently working part time in church as a project administrator for one of our youth events because I wanted to spend my time a bit more productively by juggling something else other than uni. This is just because going through twelve weeks just focusing on one unit in uni seemed a bit like an overkill to me.
The event is scheduled to happen at the end of July. But with everything that's been happening, we've had to make a handful of major adjustments and are also now a bit uncertain with how to go about these changes.
By the way, did I mention that the unit I'm doing is 100% group work and assignment based, which actually requires us to meet with external partners and organisations to come up with policy projects? Because, yeah, that's what's happening (shoutout to my lecturer though, for being prompt with updates and shifting things around to accommodate online activities).
I shared with some of my friends just a few days ago about how these past few months have left me feeling very up in the air about a lot of things and that there are somedays where I feel extra "floaty" with no sense of direction.
I guess personally it's been a combination of all these things that I mentioned earlier — not knowing exactly how online classes and meetings will turn out for a unit that I was honestly quite excited to participate in, not being able to give precise and accurate directions to the committee that I am chairing for the event, not knowing how the world is not only just going to get through this pandemic but also how recovery will look like for the years to come (economically, politically, socially etc), especially for my generation that's just beginning to venture into the working world.
Before I spiralled down further into an existential crisis, God promptly reminded me of this:
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” — James 4:13-15
The knowledge and the reality that we are in but not of this world has been really amplified for me, especially because it's not just that we are not of this world but more importantly that we are sent into it.
On one hand, I am definitely concerned about being literally in the middle of a pandemic along with many other things of this world that are broken. But on the other hand, I am also at peace knowing that the fate of the world does not lie within the hands of finite, human minds who have yet again proven to be selfish, arrogant, and wilfully ignorant, but that the whole universe is in the hands of our Father in heaven who is all-knowing and all-powerful.
So if there's anything that I've learnt over the past year, it is that there will be many, many times when things don't turn out the way that I expect and plan them to. But it is in these moments when God will give me grace in the trial to behave as His child, what more at such a time as this where people are looking for hope and light.
These few weeks may look very different for you and I.
Maybe for some of us, it's time for uninterrupted quality time with our families and loved ones, maybe for some, it's to unwind, regroup, and "restart" (or continue on with) 2020 afresh. Maybe these weeks are dedicated to honing up on our crafts and passions, maybe it's learning about the distractions of the world that take away our focus on what's important, maybe it's about looking beyond ourselves and consciously thinking about the condition of the world and the people around us.
With that being said, I recognise the privilege I have in being able to go through this MCO by just staying at home in the comforts of having (somewhat) stable internet, a comfortable bed to sleep on, food on my table, a roof over my head and, of course, papa and mama to keep me company and vice versa.
Many don't get to enjoy this same privilege.
So, for those of us who want to do more than just stay at home in helping those in need during this time, head onto Kita Jaga Kita and there are plenty of options for you to choose from! I've personally donated to RFTR (not on Kita Jaga Kita's list) because we've visited the kids before and I know of the people who run the organisation.
As I mentioned, these few weeks may look very different for us.
Whatever it is, may we use this life wisely and make it count, for we are but mist in the wind.
I've ended my previous post with this and I'll say it again: I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and that is more than enough for me.
Stay clean, stay safe, stay at home, but most importantly: stay faithful.
This too shall pass.
