"Just dropped Leanne! Gonna go home, cook myself some late lunch, do work and work out."
At 3.25pm earlier today, I sent that to Marcus on Whatsapp.
It is now 6.38pm as I write this, and the only two things I have achieved so far in the mentioned above include coming home and eating my late lunch.
You probably think it's because I'm lazy and I am procrastinating my work (psht, what, no), but there is a story behind it.
I took a shower after clearing up the kitchen, changing into my pjs after. Brushing my hair as I stood in front of the mirror, I stared at my guitar.
Haven't touched it in awhile, I thought to myself, maybe I should.
And so I did.
For 2 whole hours, I sang 5 songs on repeat - Where You Are by Leeland, Blameless by Dara Maclean, How He Loves by John Mark McMillan, Rooftops by Jesus Culture and Surrender by yours truly (What? Your own song? Yes, I'll save this story for a later day).
As I sang parts of these songs, flowing from the chorus of one to the bridge of another, all in the key of E, a sense of warmth and comfort came from within. I started bawling like a baby. The more I sang, the more I cried.
It's because this feeling of sitting on my bed in my extra large pyjama shirt and Thailand shorts, having my glasses on with my unkempt hair, strumming the guitar and singing songs of worship unto God, all by myself...it left me astray and foreign, but reassuring familiarity came with as well.
So, I sang and I sang and I sang.
It's funny, isn't it?
You will think that serving as a worship leader for NextGen and being on Resonate will mean that worship is something that is second nature to me, which partly is true.
But in all honesty, I sometimes forget to worship when I'm not on stage, or when I'm not leading other people, be it for CG, or celebration services, or CRAVE, or combined CG worship. I forget to worship God on my own.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm faking it on stage, it's not that I'm not worshipping God whole-heartedly the same way I worship on stage even when I'm off stage, it's just a different feeling when you take away everything else and when you're left with just God and you.
And so I was stripped away from the mic, the lights, the makeup, the music, the stage and the audience of many to only having to sing to an audience of One.
As I sang on and on about the truth of His love, His presence and my identity in Him, it dawned upon me how all these other things that I had to cross off on my to-do list were so secondary in comparison to what matters the most - to worship. And worship is so much more than just singing songs. To me, worship is an outward expression that comes with the acknowledgement of an unchanging truth of God. It is the way you live because of who God is.
I love others because 1 John 4:19 says that He first loved us. I serve others because Mark 10:45 says that He came to serve. I live a life that is holy and pleasing because Romans 12:1-2 says it is "true and proper worship."
So I choose to worship.
I choose to sing songs of praise even when my week hasn't been going great. I choose to tell others about how good God is even when my situation at this moment beckons me to say otherwise. I choose to come clean with God even when I feel like I am unclean. I choose to bow down and humble myself even when pride comes in and says that my finite, human mind probably knows better. I choose to take time to sit at His feet even when I have 1001 things that I feel like I need to do at that very moment.
I choose to worship, day in and day out.
And so I finished my personal worship session for 2 hours straight, non-stop. I thank God for what He has spoken into me in those little moments. And I thank God for giving me the words to articulate everything that's going on in my head because more often than not, thoughts like these get accumulated and end up in the drafts section for too long. But I felt the need to share this with you today.
I'll go on to do my work now and I'll probably wake up early tomorrow to work out. Or not. We'll see what happens.
On that note, has the Truth compelled you to worship today?
