I see eyebrows that have been raised when he finds out how well he does for his final exams, though unsurprising to me because I see how hard he works and how deserving he is of the results. I see eyebrows that have furrowed with frustration when trying to perfect guitar lines of songs for gigs over and over again, when most of the time it ends up with him coming up with something spontaneous on the day itself, of which his talent leaves people in awe nonetheless. I also see eyebrows that have been knitted together in deep thought because of something hurtful that I've said or done.
I see eyes that have lit up so bright when sharing little shenanigans that have happened over the week, or sharing stories about how God has been good to him, or even when he talks about things like going to eat Ganapathi or ais kacang. I see eyes that have stared down at the ground when he confides in me the burdens, concerns and disappointments that he has been carrying on his shoulders. I also see eyes that have been clouded with confusion as tension rises, with the two of us staring into the distance in the quietness of the night, neither of us knowing what to say.
I see ears that have perked up when hearing an intriguing guitar line from a song that I play from my Spotify playlist - 'is this 'cause you're a musician's girlfriend?' (Yes, the playlist is actually named that because whenever I play songs from that playlist, 9/10 people will ask me that question). I see ears that have heard and listened to my muffled sobbing and mumbles of words during the occasional one-in-the-morning phone calls when things are not going as well as they seem. I also see ears that have picked up on me saying things that I should not be saying, then correcting me later on as he should.
I see lips that have curved upwards into a shy smile when being introduced on stage as the youngest and one of the most talented guitarists out there in the local scene. I see lips that have let out laughter so loud whenever we talk about the most nonsense of things as we sit around a table with our closest friends, that same laughter also echoing in the car on the way home. I see lips that have smiled at me in assurance from the back of the crowd as I stepped in front of the campers to share my testimony. I see lips that have frowned upon in agreement with me about certain injustices that we bring up in our conversations. I also see lips that have been pursed together in annoyance as I continuously deny my feelings of being upset in hopes to forget it as soon as possible, but of course all this is blatantly apparent to him because he knows me that well.
I see shoulders that are lopsided because he has been playing and carrying his guitar ever since he could. I see shoulders that have taught me how to shrug off the petty things that shouldn't take up the majority of my thinking space and let priorities take their rightful place. I see shoulders that have selflessly carried off the weight of the world on my very own. I also see shoulders that have gone low in exasperation when things are not going as smoothly as they seem.
I see hands that style his hair with wax the way he always does, which makes me wonder how he makes it seem effortless to be as good-looking as he is. I see hands that have been dedicated to tireless hours of practice in the pursuit of excellence, not only for gigs and performances but also for serving as well. I see hands that have given Georgia the cones from the McDonald's sundae cones which we deliberately left for her, making her the happiest little beagle in the world. I see hands that have reached out to newer friends who have yet found their sense of belonging who then smile in relief at the sight of a friendly face. I see hands that have turned into clenched fists of victory when someone on his Fantasy Premier League scores and hands that have also been palm-up above the steering wheel when drivers suddenly cut into his lane. I also see hands that have run through his hair in irritation when words don't seem to be forming in my head as I try to explain myself. I also see hands that have been stretched out to hold mine in asking for forgiveness after I do.
I can go on for days about the hundred billion things that I can point out. There is, however, one thing that I treasure the most — when I look at him, I see that he is slowly but surely growing to become the man that God has called him to be. This is not something that only I see, but it is something that others have also come to notice and tell me as well.
When I look at him, I see a hundred billion things, none of which will make me love him any less.
And when you look at us, I hope this makes you realise that no human relationship will ever be perfect. I made it a point to show how we have had our fair share of ups and downs, but we are thankful that we've made it through. As much as people think that we are hashtag goals (and people really have told me that before), we never really are.
It isn't always easy to love. I'm sure we know that. But who are we to say that loving is hard when Love Himself came to die for us on the cross while we were still sinners?
Love is a choice. And I pray that this serves as a reminder for you as much as it is a reminder for me, too.
This is now the end of your every-now-and-then dose of Qingcus. Here's to you.
